THE HEART OF MEN

 

 

I met Ken (not real name) in my 400L on campus through my friend.
He had showed interest in her but my friend was in a serious relationship then.
We were in the same faculty (Basic Medical Sciences) and he was one year ahead, he was in his final year.

 

We became friends afterwards, he was the Bible study secretary and Sunday school coordinator in his fellowship. I like the fact that he is devoted and committed in the house of God.
Ken graduated and a few months after, he began to talk about his interest in me. I was already in my final year then.

He would call me morning and night to express how he has suddenly grown fond of me and all the usual guy-girl talks.
I had a relationship then too, even though it was more like a one-legged relationship, I was still not thinking about dating Ken.
I only liked him as a friend and for the fact that he had at a time asked my friend out made me feel uncomfortable with the thought of dating him.

 

During my youth service, we were still communicating, it’s been well over twelve months since we began the issue of ‘marry me- I no marry you’.
He didn’t relent, several times he wanted to come to Delta state where I was serving to see me but I always come up with various excuses just so he doesn’t come.

He is an unrepentant chaser of me 😁😁.

 

Every attempt to let him back out proved abortive, he would constantly tell me, ‘Modupe I know that with time, if I don’t relent in my consistency, you will truly see how much I love you and consider me’.

 

I finished my youth service and came to Lagos where he is doing his intern, but we were still far apart. I stayed on the island while he lives on the mainland.

 

After I became officially booless 😀, a few of my friends who knew about us kept persuading me to give him a chance. Even my friend whom he once asked out encouraged me to.

Afterall all the one I have given my heart to then used sledge hammer on it and shattered it.

I began to appear  unserious to my friends.
Like who ignores a guy who has been chasing you for almost two years without giving up.
I just cannot really fathom why I don’t want to date him, I just knew that I was not feeling any connection even after he had told me severally that he had prayed about us and he is super convinced.

 

I didn’t pray about him though, I didn’t see any need to.

 

August was his birthday, he begged me in every way he could to attend his birthday party.
He said he wanted me around as the only woman that has a special place in his heart.
Well, I didn’t go. I had church functions that day so I couldn’t go even if I wanted to.

 

I was still job hunting around that time and so an opening came up in his organization, they needed contract staff for eight weeks, he informed me about it and after much persuasion, I agreed to apply.

It was crazy, shuttling from Badore, Ajah to Ikeja everyday on top 40k. Sometimes I do get home by 1am, with documents from office that must be submitted at resumption of office that morning, so yours sincerely doesn’t sleep, on very good days, I sleep for about 3hrs and wake up by 4a.m.

 

What choice do I have, fresh graduates with no job and no uncle in KPMG or NLNG, sometimes we don’t just have a choice.
That work was hard labour. They made us do three months work in eight weeks. I spent half of the money on transport.

 

He wanted me to know his place while I took up the contract job but most times we leave office around 8pm, I just jump out and run to my Ajah.
Though he never suggested sleeping over at his place all through the period.

 

After the job, I thanked him as my boyfriend  and even prayed for him. As at then, he was earning like eighty thousand naira monthly there.

 

He told me jokingly that he wants to collect his share of the money we were paid. I thought it was a mere joke but he said it again on three different occasions, same jovial manner, I td him to forward his account details, uncle sent two different banks and so I transferred five thousand naira to him.

 

After he got the alert, he said he was only joking and that he wasn’t expecting me to send anything.
I felt maybe he was broke around that time and didn’t want to come out straight, you know manly things.

 

November that year, I decided to accept his proposal , he seemed the happiest man on earth.
I visited him, he cooked for me, entertained me and lovingly introduced me to his brother that lived with him.
We talked and talked as friends that we’ve always been.

 

Then I remembered he used to tell me about one giant mattress he bought.
Every time we chatted on bbm, he would always mention that mattress and he had always promised that whenever I visited, he would show me.

 

In my innocent mind, I asked to see the mattress, was even heading for his room to see it only for him to run with full speed and block me.
Haha, I am not going to do anything ke, na to just see the almighty mattress wey you dey always tell me about.

 

I had thought it was a mere play and in my troublesome mind, I pushed him to the side of the door and from where I was, I saw the bed, na normal mattress but then I saw framed pictures by its side and on it. That got me more interested because I thought they were art works.

 

He didn’t allow me o, he was like I can’t enter his room that it’s against his personal principles that anyone who will enter his room must be married to him already.

 

Before a brother will think I have come to fornicate with him, I jejely went back to my seat.

 

You’ll want to say I went too far, maybe, maybe not. It’s very unusual of me tho. Even my female friends, I don’t go into their bedrooms except I am invited.
That day was an exceptional case.

 

We continued the relationship, everything was going fine, we talk on phone, he was planning to come and know my place in Ajah.

So they had an end of the year get together in his office, it was a beach party at Oniru, he invited me to come but I didn’t go.
Don’t even know why, he was upset that all his friends came with their fiancee, he was the only baeless  one there.

I had to apologise to him and that was when he said he had planned to officially propose to me at the party.

 

Eewo, propose ke, in just two months of courting. God knows I won’t accept that proposal if I had attended the party.

 

December 30th, he invited me to another party at VI, honestly to go through the stress of Lagos traffic is a morale killer for me so I turned that down too.

 

I promised to make it up to him in the new year, so I had planned I would visit him second week of January.

 

I forgot to mention that our courtship was more like a Christian courtship we pray together, do Bible study on phone etc. There was no sexual intimacy of any sort.
In fact, he emphasized keeping the bed undefiled.
What a spiritual brother!

 

I just noticed that naturally I wasn’t just into him again. I couldn’t really tell why, if he doesn’t call, I won’t. I respond coldly to his calls and chats.

He came to Ajah, I told him to let us meet at an eatery, he came but I didn’t show up. I know I did bad but I just couldn’t tell why.
He would call me and cry on the phone.
I would feel sorry for him and still continue to react cold towards him.

 

I almost thought I had a spiritual problem.
That was how everything died out but he was still always calling, sending love messages and all.

 

Then one morning, around mid May, I was on facebook and I saw a lady tag him to a picture that has the inscription ‘Daddy, It is a girl’.

 

As expected, I clicked on the lady’s name and went to her profile.
Lo and behold, she is his wife! And she had just put to bed.

 

I opened my mouth the way you just did.
I began to scroll through all her pictures and guess what, that birthday he invited me to in August was actually his wedding.

He got married that day.

 

And the picture frames I saw in his room were their wedding photo frames, he packed everything into the room when I was coming.
He also didn’t allow me enter the room because his wife’s stuff are there and of course I would ask questions.

 

All along while we dated, he is married and his wife was even pregnant.
I found out that the lady was doing her intern in another state and that was all the time he had to be forming lover boy for me.

 

I wasn’t shocked, I’ve always had a strange feeling about him but I felt terribly guilty.
Couldn’t come to terms  with the fact that I dated another man’s husband.
I was depressed for months, I cried, I hated myself.

 

I’ve vowed in my life that never will I date another woman’s husband.
I eventually did for about 3months.

 

Though there was no serious happening while the relationship lasted but I still hated the fact that I dated him.

 

I couldn’t process how a man will start a relationship 3months into his marriage.
How a supposed Christian brother would lie that much, I kept thinking, why on earth did he wanted to date me, what does he want from me, he doesn’t want sex like what most men who cheat wants, so what does he want.
Why would he be crying and pestering me like that when he has another woman, why did he lie that it was his birthday when it was his wedding.
I guess he wanted me to come and then get shocked seeing him married.
I heard some men act weird like that, they go to any length to hurt a lady just because they asked her out and she turned them down.
I know one who once told me he deliberately asked my close friend out just to spite me after I turned down his proposal.

 

Brethren, I challenged him later and he said it’s not a big deal afterall we didn’t have sex so there is nothing to fuss about.
He said he just liked me and it was difficult to let me go.
He said if I had given him a yes earlier, he would have married me and not his wife.
And then, our brother in the Lord wants us to continue our friendship like nothing happened.
Can you just imagine?

How we have many foxes in sheep’s clothing?

 

I hope you have learnt from this.
Shine your eyes, be sensitive when the spirit is moving you.

 

I keep imagining the worst case scenario.

I knew it was God that killed the feelings in my heart.

I’ll always be grateful to God for that.

What other reasons do you think might have made him acted the way he did?
Please let me read from you too. I shall be looking forward to reading your comments.

Perhaps you have a similar story you wish to share, anonymously or not so others can learn, feel free to contact me on any of my social media handles or mail me @ imodupe29@gmail.com . I will definitely publish it for you.

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