Being a woman is hard work, loaded with responsibilities from the workplace to the home front and we are expected to be excellent in both areas and also have a balance. One must not affect the other.
No doubt it is not easy combining the roles, a career woman , a mother and a wife, but it is achievable if you determine to.
Our sensuality as women vary from one to another. Some enjoy love making from the start to the end with great pleasure and satisfaction. Some need little or no effort to get in the mood and for some, it takes time to get them set while some don’t even want to be in the mood, especially when they are burdened with issues ranging from work pressure, stress of motherhood, health issues , hormonal issues, and even resentments towards their partner.
All of these affect our performances in the other room.
Men on the other hand want to have it almost all of the time, they require no special process to be in the mood. Work stress got nothing on them, as a matter of fact, they need it more when they are tensed up to ease up the stress and pressure.
Denying your partner isn’t always good enough, so if you have unresolved issues, it is good you settle so it doesn’t take a bad toll on your sexual life.
While some women want to up their games in the bedroom, some are making mistakes which is directly or indirectly affecting their bedroom activities.
Here are the mistakes women make in bed and how to correct them.
1. Being passively involved in the act.
Love making is an act between two people, when you get in bed and act dumb or lie like a log of wood, the whole act becomes boring to your partner.
Learn to participate, use your hands, your mouth, body movement and sound. Don’t just lie like a log.
The fact that it’s a missionary position doesn’t mean you should just lie on your back and do nothing. Move your waist, jerk your body against his, touch him, work your hands through his back and butts, kiss him, moan, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
‘‘Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.”– Gen 2:25 NLT
Let him know when he is touching or doing it right, don’t just be there like a dummy. Even sex dolls moan and shake.
When you are silent and not participating, it makes it seem as if your partner is making love to a dead body, it could turn him off completely.
2 . Paying little or no attention to your personal hygiene.
Yes, we know you’ve been working all day, that is the more reason why you should get a shower before you get in bed.
Personally, after showering at night, I use body spray , it doesn’t matter if there is going to be a show or not, I don’t want to be smelling like onions while I’m being cuddled. A nice smell is an attraction on its own.
You don’t have to wear a deodorant like me but be sure your body is neat.
Do not leave your private parts bushy, shave or trim if you don’t like going bald out there.
Shave your armpits as well, get rid of any fishy smell, deep cleanse your hot spot, bad smell repels.
Wear a clean lingerie and change your bedding regularly.
3. Keeping mute when you ought to speak
Many women expect their men to figure out what is on their mind. He is not a mind reader, he may not understand your tantrums or silence, it is always good to say what you want.
There is nothing to be shy about. Do not be ashamed of the gospel of the marital bed sister, speak up.
Tell him how you want it, where you want him to touch you and how you want to be touched. Let him know when he is hitting the right spots or when he needs to change direction.
Let him know how you feel, constructively though, you don’t want to damage his sexual ego with a destructive statement. You can learn more about how to communicate with your spouse here.
Communicating your sexual desires will help make things better for both of you.
Life is too short not to enjoy great sex, do not lose that opportunity to keeping mute when you should talk.
4. Being ashamed of your body.
You shouldn’t be ashamed of your body for any reason, you are beautiful and unique in your own way. Perhaps motherhood has taken its toll on your body, its a beautiful change, embrace it.
Do not see anything wrong with getting naked and allowing your spouse explore your body.
‘‘Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.”– Gen 2:25 NLT
Hey Sis, do not feel bad about the flabby stomach or bulge, your man doesn’t even notice all of that, the fallen heroes mean nothing to him, its in his nature to love you all the same.
Love and accept yourself.
Your man isn’t hearing what your head is saying about your body, he is enjoying the moment and everything that comes with it. Allow him to explore and enjoy what he’s got.
Don’t kill the spark with the thoughts of your body.
You are still beautiful and sexy.
5. Not wanting to initiate and take the lead sometimes.
Culture in its way has made some women in some parts of the world hold back when it comes to making the first move towards love making.
Society has made us believe a woman who does that is a slut.
Do not let that stop you.
Remember, nobody knows your partner’s body like you so use that to your advantage.
Feel free to initiate lovemaking.
Send him sensual messages, use codes or body languages that is well understood by both of you.
If you don’t know how to go about it, see how to let your husband know you want sex here.
If you can take the lead in the boardroom, you can do much more in the bedroom.
Be free to tell him you need him and be in charge. Try out new positions that put you in charge like the cowgirl or reverse cowgirl, ride your man to amazingly magical heights, he would be glad you did.
I should probably make a post about the various sex styles that can be explored in marriage, watch out for it on this blog.
6. Having and sticking to a routine.
Some women are so conventional they don’t ever want to try new things. Being innovative and creative will help spice up your sex life. The days of missionary is long gone, more exciting positions have been invented.
Make the bedroom fun and exciting, use props if needed.
You could also use aphrodisiacs to turn up the heat.
Play romantic musics, wear sexy lingerie and move your body sensually, let his eyes feast on something and have him aroused.
Be his whore.
Also let your bedroom be inviting and enticing enough, clean everywhere, pack the clothes. Your bedroom is your nest where you both come to make magic, make it a comfortable place for both of you.
And it doesn’t always have to be in the bedroom alone, make use of other parts of the house and other places. The kitchen, bathroom, laundry room, living room etc. You can even surprise him to a new spot where you both can pleasure yourselves. A quickie in the car or elevator is not a bad idea as well.
7. Seeing love making as a chore or difficult task.
Some have a sudden headache or body pain once they see their husbands making advances. I understand the stress that comes with being a workaholic mum , yes you need rest but you have to see getting intimate with your husband as a means of relaxing and refreshing.
Overtime, I have come to realize that love making helps relief stress, it takes away my headache and body pain and helps me have a very good sleep afterwards. That’s my testimony Sis.
It is medically proven, love making helps reduce stress levels.
It also makes you happy and improves bonding with your man.
This is not to say you must do it by all means when you are really tired and need rest, you can politely and lovingly let your partner know how you feel , not turning him off angrily or asking him if sex is food.
8. Running out of bed immediately after the act.
Your man’s cum is not poison neither is it an insecticide that you need to hurriedly wash off.
If you are not doing so for any family planning purpose, stay in bed and cuddle some more after the act.
Not hurrying off to clean up doesn’t mean you are dirty.
Stay in bed and evaluate the act, tell him how much you enjoyed him , kiss him, just cuddle some more.
9. Asking how it is while still at it.
Asking if he enjoys it while still in the act could spoil the mood, project a low self esteem or the need for approval.
He would tell you if he is enjoying it and if he doesn’t, it doesn’t mean he is not.
Wait till you are done.
Be a confident woman in and outside bed.
You may have felt you need to do better, you can always talk about that after the act.
10. Seeing sex as a tool for punishment or reward.
Many sisters are guilty of this, once there is a little misunderstanding, they turn their backs entirely, I even heard of a sister who would wear jean pants to bed just to disallow love making. It is very wrong.
Settle disputes as soon as you can and if you can’t, allow him enter the place and then continue the fight afterwards.
Stop seeing sex as a tool to punish your husband, there are several ladies out there who are willing to give him freely, don’t give them a chance by pushing your man out .
Do not also use sex as a means to collect from him, you are not a sex worker, only sex workers give their body for money.
Stop attaching sex to gifts, stop manipulating your partner with it to get what you want.
Remember 1Corinthians 7:5 –
”Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” – NLT
A Christian wife should not use sex as a tool for punishment or reward.
The mistakes women make are not limited to these ten only, there are other mistakes like faking orgasm, being absent minded during the act, not being connected emotionally, thinking oral sex is a sin and lots more. All these things affect your bedroom performance and promotes poor sexual life.
Do you love your partner enough to want to meet his sexual needs, do you see his body as a treasure ground you want to explore.
Remember, sex in marriage is also an act of worship to God.
So while considering it, think about the quality of worship you want to give God.
The key to enjoying lovemaking with your spouse is your mindset.
Make deliberate efforts to enjoy your partner. Sex does not make a woman get old, sex enhances intimacy and strengthens marital bond.
If there is any underlying health challenge that might be preventing you from having pleasurable moments with your partner, see to it that it’s treated.
God has uniquely made us to get and give pleasure, make the best of it.
May our marriages blossom and our sexual lives prosper!
Other similar posts you might want to read.
1. Ten things you mustn’t say to your spouse
2. How to avoid heartbreak in relationship
3. 7 ways to make a man regret taking you for granted