Are you already getting frustrated in your marriage? Do you think you are doing so much for your spouse yet he/she thinks you have not done anything?
You might have to do a check, Are you really speaking your partner’s love language?
Many relationships and marriages are in chaos today because of wrong love language being spoken or the inadequacy of one or both partners to speak their other half’s love language appropriately.
Love language, simply put is an act of love that makes you feel special and loved.
Everyone has at least one. There is that thing that when it is done to you, you feel very appreciated and loved.
For those going into relationships, it will be of great benefit to figure out what your love language is , this will help your partner to figure out how to love you.
Speaking the wrong love language or not speaking it at all often times strain a relationship.
In marriage, it is essential you know your partner’s love language and make deliberate efforts to speak it often.
You have to learn to love your partner the way they want to be loved.
What interprets as love to you may not be so to them and that is the essence of understanding each other.
Understanding, however, comes through good communication and studying each other.
It is always easier for spouses that have a knowledge of the love languages, they can easily communicate to their partners on how they want to be loved.
For those who don’t know, you have to study them to find out.
And to save you the stress of that, I have put together this post for you.
After reading this, I hope you will make amends where necessary and start speaking your partner’s love language. I also hope you would understand your spouse better and would stop thinking they are selfish or insensitive to your feelings.
Here are the five love languages;
1. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
This love language expresses love with words. Nice and kind words that build up your partner, also called verbal compliments. They don’t necessarily have to be long, poetic or complicated. The shortest and simplest words of affirmation can be the most effective.
“I love the way you serve my food”
“That dress looks gorgeous on you”
“You are such a hardworking man, I love you”
“I’m just so blessed to have an amazing partner like you”.
WORDS mean a lot to a person with this love language. They love compliments a lot and want to hear “I love you” every moment.
On the other hand, negative or insulting comments or remarks hurt them deeply and may take longer to forgive than others.
This is because they are moved by words.
2. ACTS OF SERVICE
For people with this love language, their motto is usually “Actions speak louder than words”.
This love language is expressed by doing things your spouse would love like cooking a meal, doing the laundry, polishing his shoes, helping with the dishes or garbage etc.
It requires some thought, time and effort.
These things must be done with a positive mind and with your partner’s happiness in mind, that is when it is considered an expression of love.
ACTS of service done out of obligation or with a negative tone means something else entirely.
3. RECEIVING GIFTS
You would be tempted to think it is a materialistic love language.
No, it is not. It just means that your partner is in your thoughts always.
A thoughtful gift, no matter how simple or cheap it is, makes them feel loved and appreciated.
It could be as simple as buying them their favourite drink, pizza, Ice cream or even candy.
A flower or barbecue after a long day at work can make an impact on this love language.
4. QUALITY TIME
This focuses basically on undivided attention. No televisions, no smartphones, no kids or any other distraction.
They think talk is cheap and the only way to show them that they matter is by dedicating a quality time to be with them.
This doesn’t mean you don’t curl up in bed or on the couch watching movies or sports sometimes, it simply means you need to ensure you deliberately dedicate and spend time with them without any distraction.
This time is not about quantity but the quality.
Everytime you cancel a date, postpone time together or you are emotionally absent during your physical time together, they feel very hurt.
5. PHYSICAL TOUCH
To people with this love language, nothing is more impactful than the physical touch of their partner.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that they are head over heels with PDA (Public Display of Affection), they just feel more connected and safe in a relationship by holding hands, kissing, hugging, cuddling etc.
If you are married to someone whose primary love language is physical touch, all the words and gifts in the world won’t make them feel loved until they are lovingly touched.
However, in Christian courtship, physical touch should not be practiced beyond holding hands, every other act should be suspended till marriage to avoid the temptation of fornication.
Kissing, Cuddling and erotic touches are not allowed in christiandom during courtship.
The marriage bed is meant to be kept undefiled.
Dr Gary Chapman in his book “The five love languages”, tells us that
“Of the five love
languages, each of us has a primary language. One of the
five speaks more deeply to us emotionally than the other
four. We can receive love through all five, but if we don’t
receive our primary love language, we will not feel loved
even though the person is speaking the other four.
However, if they speak our primary love language
sufficiently, then the other four provide icing on the cake.”
God wants us to love, be loved and have beautiful relationships and marriages, understanding the concept of love languages would help us to express our love for our spouses better and more effectively.
Love language in it realness is not meant to be spoken between romantic partners alone.
Children speak their parents’ love language, parents do same for their children, friends express love, colleagues, coworkers and neighbours.
Love is meant to be expressed to everyone.
Knowing what an individual likes and doing it for them goes a long way in showing love to them.
Many today who found favour with their bosses and business partners did so simply because they discovered their love language and spoke it.
You too can make positive changes in your life, love and relationship with people.
May we have a blossoming love life.
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I love you!