A relationship can be exciting when the partners communicate effectively and learn to tolerate each other. On the other hand, a bad relationship is draining, and it takes little mistakes to turn a beautiful relationship into a nightmare. The truth is, there is no perfect relationship; every relationship comes with some challenges. There are severe ones, such as physical, verbal, or emotional abuse, I won’t advise anyone to tolerate such.
There are also the less noticeable mistakes, the ones that, if they are ignored or not corrected, can cause strain or even destroy a perfect relationship.
If you find yourself guilty of some or all of the twelve below, relax. Life is about learning, unlearning, and growing, as long as you are willing to make amends, identify where you need to improve, and deliberately work on it.
Here are 12 mistakes you need to avoid in your relationship in 2021.
- Keeping secrets
This is a silent but quick killer of relationships. Avoid keeping secrets, especially when it’s about things that’ll adversely affect your partner’s emotions.
Being open with your partner promotes trust and honest communication. When you keep secrets, you are laying a foundation for disaster later in your relationship.
Open up and let your partner love you for who you are. When you keep secrets from your partner, you’ll continuously need extra efforts to keep your secrets secret; why spend so much energy.
- Making commitments too early
A relationship needs to be nurtured with time. So, rushing into making commitments too early to avoid losing your partner can be damaging in the long run.
People tend to put on their best behaviors when you are just getting to know them, so committing yourself to someone you are yet to know fully is a recipe for disaster. It could also make you appear desperate and scare off the other person.
Take your time to understand your partner; time will help you find out if you are genuinely on the same page and if your feelings for each other are mutual, and if they are worth your commitment.
- Suppressing your emotions for long
It is good to let certain things go in a relationship. However, if it threatens your peace or sanity and you complain about it to other people, there’s no need to keep it away from your partner. Address the situation to avoid further damages. Remember, whatever you tolerate is what you’ll continue to get.
- Being too revealing
Although honesty is the best policy, you should be careful about the things you talk about, especially if the relationship is still new.
Love can make you vulnerable, the more reason I tell people to not just love with their hearts but with their brains too. Don’t reveal everything about you in a flash.
You’ll have too much information out there if things don’t work out eventually, which will hurt you more. Learn to create healthy sharing boundaries and regulate the things you share until the relationship has advanced.
This is different from keeping secrets; it is waiting to know the other person well enough before giving out more of yourself.
- Not establishing clear boundaries.
Some people think that boundaries are not necessary for a relationship because of the mindset that we are supposed to be very free with our partner in every aspect and that our partner is supposed to know our likes and dislikes by default.
That is not true. A relationship can’t be healthy until both partners clearly communicate their boundaries, and the other person respects them.
Defining clear boundaries in a relationship helps reduce the unnecessary conflicts that come with ignorance about personal standards.
- Talking about every little thing
There is a thin line between nagging and trying to talk things out.
There are things you should overlook. Don’t turn to a nag under the guise of talking about everything. Talking too much over trivial issues can lead to resentment and frustration; it also redirects arguments.
Rather than talking about the real problem, the focus is shifted to the nagging. It also makes you wary of seeing or being with each other. It sucks the fun out of your relationship. Communicate, don’t nag.
- Being absent
Intimacy and connection are essential in maintaining a healthy and long-lasting relationship. You can be absent from your relationship emotionally and time-wise. It doesn’t need to be physical. Be ready to invest in the relationship as much as your partner. Nobody likes to be with an emotionally absent partner.
Stop building walls around yourself, be actively involved in your relationship. A relationship’s success is not the sole responsibility of one, and it takes both parties’ contributions and deliberate effort. Be present physically and emotionally.
- Constant jealousy
Jealousy is a destructive emotion. It can easily suffocate a happy relationship and break down trust. It can also bring up insecurity, suspicion, rejection, fear, anger, and even anxiety.
Constant and excessive jealousy is not only a serious red flag. It is also poisonous in a relationship. Although this character may arise from many quarters, learn to give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
Learn to trust their judgment, learn to voice your feelings, and get clarifications on issues you have doubts about. Listen to what the other person has to say and have yourself some self-respect.
- Love junkie alert
Love junkies need to be in a relationship like their life depends on it, and as soon as the relationship encounters a hitch, they already have someone else lined up, so they are not single for a long time.
They get bored quickly and leave a relationship the moment the initial excitement is gone. They are not ready for any form of emotional commitment, and as soon as they attach to you, they detach and find their next victim. Beware of people like that. Check if you’re one too.
- Being clingy
Do not let the excitement of a relationship drive you into doing things in excess for your partner. Bombarding them with excess calls, texts, and physical affections can be draining.
Let them breathe. Stop making them the center of your existence, focus on other things, have friends, spend time on other interests, and stop being obsessive. Be self-sufficient; nobody likes a clingy person.
- Comparing your partner to an ex.
Comparing someone you care about to someone you don’t is very hurtful. Understand that no two people are the same.
Your partner can never be your ex. Accept their personality, resist the urge to compare. Do not allow the ghost of your ex into your current relationship; instead, look for all the reasons your partner is better than your ex and focus on it.
- Ignoring red flags
While you might be doing this for peace to reign, be prepared to live with the bad behaviors in the long run. If they’re things that are unacceptable to you, it’s best you talk about them and cut them short early.
Do not be afraid to raise the topic and do not sacrifice your happiness and peace just so you can continue in a relationship. Marriage doesn’t change people; it only provides the avenue to reveal their true personality.
If it is something you can’t tolerate and your significant other ids not ready to work on it, be fair to yourself, walk away. A broken relationship is far better than a disastrous marriage. Don’t settle with the red flags!
Avoiding these twelve things can really help you have a better and healthier relationship in 2021 if you can keep to them.