Things you mustn't say to your spouse

The truth is; the words you utter can make or mar your marriage.
We’ve all said something to our partners that we later regret.

Misunderstandings do come up in marriage, and the words we speak during those heated arguments will either end the argument or be the beginning of another issue in your marriage.

Words are like raw eggs, once they are smashed on the ground, they cannot be retrieved wholly; this is why you must be careful with the words you say to your partner even at your angriest moment.

Every word you speak is like a seed sown, it gets nurtured and begins to germinate till it bears fruits. Negative words don’t always bear good fruits.
Toxic words can irrevocably damage a relationship.

No matter what happens, do not speak these words or phrases to your partner.

Here are ten things you should never say to your partner

1. Divorce.

Divorce is not something to say unless you mean it. It is not a word to joke with, once you carelessly say it to your spouse, you have pressed a bell and you can’t unpress it. You have sent the signal that you are not committed to the marriage lasting forever.
Even if you tell your partner you don’t mean it, it has been registered in a corner of their hearts and every of your subsequent behavior will always be attributed to it in a strange way. Your partner becomes suspicious of your moves and begins to relate with you with the consciousness that you might tear down what you are both building someday. Don’t use it to scare them or get their attention in any way.
Never use the ‘D’ word .


2. You are such an Idiot.


Insulting your partner’s personality is an act of emotional violence and verbal abuse.
It is way of belittling your partner, so never ever use phrases such as “you are a fool” “you must be stupid”, “you have no sense”.
Destructive words like these leads to resentment and over time can break the connection you have with your spouse. Avoid personal insults, if you consider your partner as your other half, then you shouldn’t call them an idiot. Literally you are also referring to yourself.


3. Whatever.

Saying whatever means you care less about your partner’s feelings or you are out rightly dismissing it. There is nothing positive about saying ‘whatever’. When you ask your partner what’s wrong and she says ‘nothing‘ while it is obvious that something is wrong,  the best response you can give is a smile or a hug, when they are ready to talk about it, they will certainly reach out to you, it’s far better than just saying ‘whatever’. You’ll end up hurting your partner the more.


4. I wish I never married you.

Ouch! That hurts a lot.
Saying you made a mistake to be with your spouse is wrong, even if you didn’t mean it, your partner won’t believe you and you have registered the fact that there is somebody else you would have preferred to be with.


5.  Your Mom is so …

Avoid bringing your partner’s parents into a heated argument, it never ends well. When you are upset, leave his mom out of it, this also applies to the step kid. It is usually a sensitive spot to touch.
When you negatively or angrily criticize your partner’s mom, it’s hard to forget about it.



6. I don’t really care.

This is one of the statements that often come up in between heated arguments. Saying you don’t care creates the fear of abandonment and can make your partner feel insecure and worthless.
Marriage is a loving relationship which entails always caring about your partner no matter what happens.


7. Always or Never.

I am guilty of this particular one, generalizing an act my husband omitted once or twice as ‘always’ not doing it.
He doesn’t like it, nobody does.

“You never help with the chores”. “You are always wasting our time”.
These phrases are rarely true and always hurtful.
You are making a character assassination when you say things like that to your spouse. Rather than bring your partner’s character down, it would be better to sweetly tell them the exact thing you want .
You could say ,” Darling, I would love it if you can help with chores around the home ”  “I got late to all the event this week, Honey, it would make me so happy if you don’t spend so much time dressing up”.


8. I told you so.

You shouldn’t say this to your partner, it makes them feel dumb or belittled,  no one likes to feel that way. Saying it does not in any way remedy the situation at hand. When things go in your predicted direction rather than how your spouse expected,  they are more than aware of the outcome and so you need no ‘I told you so’ statement or face to remind them. My husband stopped doing this to me after realizing how much it hurts me.

9. I don’t want to talk about it.

This may be true due to your emotional state at that moment, but it is better to set a specific time to talk later if you are feeling really bad rather than shutting your partner down the conversation.
Most times, it makes the other person feel unimportant.
Being unwilling to talk to your partner about what’s wrong means you are not willing to fix it.

10. I love this about my ex.

You might have had a wonderful ex but comparing them to your current spouse will never bring anything positive.

You are with your partner now and no ex should matter.
You may want to compare in your mind ,never let it out to your partner especially when you are angry, you would only open loopholes of fear, resentment and insecurities in your relationship.
Bringing up your exes’ good qualities will create more problems than solutions.
It is an unhealthy comparison, avoid it.

While not erring in any of these might not be so easy, it is achievable. Making conscious and deliberate efforts to always speak positivity no matter the circumstance will go a long way in helping.

Make up your mind never to say the wrong things or use the wrong words no matter how angry or offended you are. Let your words and attitudes build up your spouse and not tear them down.

Feel free to add any additional thought or share any experience relating to this post in the comment section.

May your marriages blossom!


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