One of the major challenges facing marriages today is poor communication. When that aspect of marriage is not properly mastered yet, it can be frustrating.
If you always end up in arguments each time you try to communicate with your spouse, you might be having communication issues and need to improve on your communication skills.
Most times, we don’t plan to argue when we talk with our spouses, but it do happen; sometimes when you think the other person is not listening or you are being misunderstood.
Take your time to digest what I am about to share with you because at the end of the post, your communication skills are going to increase greatly and you can say goodbye to arguments and constant fights in your marriage.
Here are seven tips to improve communication with your spouse and decrease arguing.
1. SPEAK CALMLY
Screaming or yelling at your spouse is not a good way to communicate. Yelling either stirs up anger in your spouse or make them defensive. Don’t yell at them.
When you speak calmly, your spouse is more likely to listen. A person who is being yelled at may likely want to shut down or just leave the scene. Speaking with a gentle tone makes the atmosphere safe and conducive for communication.
2. LEARN TO LISTEN.
You have to learn to listen to your spouse. Pay attention to each other, remove all distractions, turn off the TV, keep your phones away and just listen. Don’t be preparing response in your mind. Listening attentively won’t get your spouse frustrated and angry. Listening is a way we show our spouses that we respect and care about them . The attention given is usually worth it.
3. WATCH YOUR BODY LANGUAGE.
Sometimes, communication can be non-verbal and therefore, your body language speaks volume and can mean a lot to your partner. Look him in the eye, speak to her face to face, not over the phone or through texts or chat. When you are looking elsewhere during conversations, it could interpret to you not listening, hiding something, telling lies or simply caring less about what they are talking about. This could hurt them or even lead to an argument.
Don’t look at them with contempt or disdain, don’t hiss or make funny faces. Your body language speaks a lot, pay attention to it.
4. CHOOSE THE RIGHT TIME.
Timing is a very important factor to consider when you are planning to have a successful conversation with your spouse. It is not advisable to start that serious talk when his favorite football team is playing or when her favorite TV show is on. The public is never a good place to have an important conversation either. Don’t start when he is really tired and just want to have a good rest, he might end up sleeping off on you. Schedule a time, in a private place and when you can both give each other your attention.
5. USE ‘I’ STATEMENTS.
Don’t blame or attack your spouse. Instead of saying things like ‘you make me …’, say ‘I feel sad’. If you pause at that, your spouse is probably going to ask why. Try to respond with a positive statement when they ask. Something like ‘ I want to be helped around the house’ instead of ‘ you never help me with anything in the house’. That way, your spouse won’t feel the need to defend him/herself when you use ‘I’ statements to express what you want; rather, it will open door for a smooth communication.
Also remember this ;”Always address the offence not the offender”. Better to say ‘I hate lying’ than say ‘I hate you for lying’. It is the act of lying that you really hate not your spouse.
6. VIEW THINGS FROM YOUR SPOUSE’S ANGLE
Try to view things from your spouse’s perspectives. Try to imagine yourself in their shoes and see how it feels like to be them. This will help you understand them and what they are trying to say better. If you don’t understand, try to clarify, repeat back to your spouse what he/she said and ask to confirm if that is what they meant.
Give them room to confirm or explain more so you can perfectly understand each other.
7. TAKE A BREAK.
There may be sometimes when you get to a point where communication has broken down and you both are frustrated already. At this point, you can both agree to take a break and revisit the topic later.
Doing this will give each of you time to reevaluate your thoughts on the matter. When you come back together to talk, you would have cooled down and have fresh ideas to discuss.
Communication is an art, everyone should master it and most importantly two people from different backgrounds living together. It might take a while to perfectly master this art, but with deliberate conscious efforts, it gets better and better and with time. You can achieve an argument free marriage.
May you grow in love and understanding!